The Emotional Impact Of What A Leader Says and Does

by Elaine Morris

 

A Story of Two Leaders

Daniel Goleman, author of Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power of Emotional Intelligence, shares a story of two leaders.  Both are highly intelligent, but one has an edge – his EQ or Emotional Quotient. This real life example is about a division of the BBC that management had decided to close.

An executive was sent to deliver the news and it did not go well.  He started off with little sensitivity to his audience, sharing how well their rival operations were doing, moving on to boast about a wonderful trip he had just taken to the South of France!  As you can imagine, his manner incited frustration and rage – he failed to connect with the group and even worse, insulted them with his self-centeredness. The atmosphere became so threatening, that they had to call security to usher him safely from the room.

The very next day, a second executive visited the same staff. He took a very different approach. He spoke from the heart about the crucial importance of journalism to society, and of the calling that had drawn them all to the field in the first place. He reminded them that no one goes into journalism to get rich, and he appreciated their dedication and commitment in spite of being in a field with so little job security.  His brief conversation with the journalists invoked the passion and dedication they had for the service they offered. They felt acknowledged and respected. He wrapped up by wishing them all well in getting on with their careers. When this leader finished the staff cheered.

The Differentiator

The difference between the leaders lies in the mood and tone with which they delivered their messages. One drove the group toward antagonism and hostility, the other toward optimism, even inspiration, in the face of difficulty.

This example points to a hidden but crucial dimension in leadership—the emotional impact of what a leader says and does. Leaders with high emotional intelligence are thoughtful about how they approach situations. Studies show that successful leaders are high in empathy – a critical component of emotional intelligence. EMPATHY shows others that you know how the other person feels.  Strong leaders can anticipate how others may react to news that affects them.

Application
Think about an important and perhaps sensitive conversation you will have with your team, peer group or customer in the next few weeks:

1. What is the response you would like? (think in terms of the mood and tone)
2. Ask yourself what their mind-set and potential concerns are. How can you address those concerns in a way that demonstrates your understanding?
3. What can you say that will positively influence the situation and create the mood and tone you want? Plan how you will start the conversation and plan your conclusion.
4. When you address the group, watch for body language and facial expressions as you speak. Check in with your audience to gauge their responses.
5. Be open to questions and comments. When listening, be sure to maintain eye contact. Avoid any defensive reactions and affirm each comment, letting each person know you fully heard what they said and understand where they are coming from.

Reading Recommendations
Building emotional intelligence takes time and patience. There are some excellent books available to help you in your journey. Here are some of my favorites:

Primal Leadership – Daniel Goleman
Integrity – Dr. Henry Cloud
Boundaries Face to Face – Townsend and Cloud
Optimizing People – Reuven Bar-On PhD and Rich Handley, DBA

To have a customized report to measure your EQ, contact Elaine Morris at elaine@seachangecoach.com.