Perspectives
Listening is More Than Meets the Ear:
Connecting with Others in an EI Kind of Way©
Part
2 of 5
by George M. Hendley
How
well do you listen? As a training professional, human resource specialist,
manager, spouse, parent or friend you have numerous opportunities to listen to
a variety of people during your day. How
well do you do? Can you rate
yourself as an excellent listener? Good? Fair? Or is it a ‘let’s
not go there’ rating. More important, how well do others rate you in
this critical communication skill?
Listening can make the difference between success and failure in all of your relationships. It is the basis for how we respond to a plethora of messages, sounds and even sights that we take in during our waking hours. If we learn to listen well it provides the primary connection factor for an emotionally resonant and successful relationship. It is the most basic communication skill connected with the development of Emotional Intelligence (EI) and the awareness of others. More on that later.
|
“We
only hear half of what is said to us, understand only half of that, believe
only half of that and remember only half of that.”
Mignon McLaughlin
|
In our previous article we reviewed
ten reasons why listening is important. We also noted over seven reasons why listening is
challenging. Finally we recognized the fact there is plenty of room for
improvement. Let’s continue building our understanding and improvement of
this foundational communication skill.
Everyone
Hears, but not Everyone Listens
Listening is not the same as
hearing. Hearing is involuntary
and non-selective. You hear 24 hours of the day.
Even at night, while in a deep sleep, sounds you hear outside your
bedroom can awaken you even though you weren’t consciously listening for
them. Listening is accomplished
by the decision of the listener. It
is a conscious choice and requires the proper attitude and some practiced
skills to make the process effective.
Did You See That?
Listening, as we choose to define
it, is more than just receiving and distinguishing the sounds you hear with
your ears. It also entails collecting and cataloging the multitude of visual
observations you make that add a depth and richness to the incoming messages
you constantly weigh and evaluate. Sight adds a multidimensional ‘receiving
mechanism’ that gives you a total blend and ‘big picture’ perspective.
Adding sight is what helps a vocal message come alive and add to the
meaning and clarity of the message.
Your
Listening Choice- An Emotional Connection?
You choose what you want to listen
to because: a) you believe that the message or messenger is important; b) you
are interested in the message or messenger; or c) you feel like listening at
that moment. This also reflects your past and future choices as well. Normally
you will be more attentive when you see a direct and personal benefit or
negative result associated with your listening.
These are emotional decisions and important ones.
If you receive a phone call while at
work from someone you know, perhaps a good friend, relative or maybe even a
‘love interest’ you may want to stop what you’re doing and give time,
interest and focus to the caller. You believe that the message (or messenger)
is important and you may also have a personal vested interest in what is being
said or in who the speaker is. That’s very natural.
Perhaps even more important is this
deeper realization. Even though this conversation is probably not directly
related to work you have an emotional connection to this person and that makes
a crucial difference. We choose to listen and connect with those who we have a
pre-existing emotional connection with. Even at times, with the potential of
professional or personal loss or negative results, we will make the choice to
listen. That’s how powerful an emotional connection is when related to this
choice.
So how do we use listening to build
this powerful connection? How do we walk away from a ‘first meeting’
either face to face or phone to phone with an irresistible emotional
connection that instantly opens the door to influence and rapport? And, a link
that also makes future connections easier, quicker and more impacting?
Listen! Listen well with your ears,
your eyes and your heart and watch the attraction factor go to work for you.
Next month we’ll discover the four principles of the listening process, why
listening is like Rodney Dangerfield and more on making the emotional
connection. In the meantime, have fun listening!
About the Author: